I'm interested in/curious about the play between the perception of assertiveness and aggression in women.
As you may have seen, (the wider internet/social media is my pocket-escapism from reality and emailing right now...) I have been engaged in a bit* of a battle of wills between myself and one particular organisation.
During this ongoing dialogue, I have become curious about how someone like me is received in such a situation. Having gone from a quiet, disempowered period of illness to an empowered state of (something like) organisation and strength of will, how am I perceived in the world now that I'm comfortable to say, "this is what I feel?" And not only that but, "here's the science/laws/history to back that up." Because yanno... Hyperfocus™
I attended an online gathering of Quiet M/other Makers yesterday, (Feb 7th 2023,) and it was astounding to witness that we all feel very similar. We have been taught to be small, quiet, to stay inside our own boxes, meet the expectations of others and generally suck-it-up and do our bit. Complain or express your discomfort too much and you run the risk of being deemed a bad mother, a whining/over-emotional woman, a mentally ill person. For having a quite reasonable response to being... well... shoved in a box and told to stay there.
In the process of climbing/clawing/smashing my way out of my own box, I have pissed people off. This is natural. I am no longer behaving as they expect and, to be fair, I find it confusing when people do this too. "I have learned that you will do x, why now are you doing y?" We're told on wellness-stagram that this will happen. "Assert your boundaries and the toxic people in your life will fall away like loose feathers..." etc. But what if they're not toxic people? What if you need them on your page? Singing from your hymn sheet? Remaining in your family or friendship circle?
It's just. So. Interesting.
I am naturally very quiet and thoughtful. I think incredibly hard before I do anything. It's rare that even a spur-of-the-moment act will come without months of deep, inner thought. I rarely share my deep inner thoughts as they are perceived as *over* thought. You think too hard, Zoë, go with the flow, stop over-thinking! But when I act in the flow I am deemed too impulsive, (despite the intensely hard work I do behind the scenes.)
My well thought out *loudness* comes as a complete surprise and, owing to how I present 🌈 ☀ 🌻 ❤️ 🤡 it is assumed that I simply don't know what I'm doing, and I'm just flailing around being loud at people. How could someone like me understand systems and adult issues and the way the world *really* works? I'm just a single, jobless mum, right? I sit at home and share memes all day and have *fun* and dress like a child and *how could I possibly understand how the world really works?*
People often perceive that I am playing at being an adult. I got news for ya: you are too. We all are. We are just inner children walking around in thirty, fourty, fifty plus year old skin suits. We're essentially still hashing it out on the playground with bigger squashier bodies and better vocabulary. We get it wrong. We *all get it very wrong.* Sometimes. But if we *allow* ourselves to *play,* then when we get it right, we get is so very very right. Through playfulness and curiosity in our enquiries about the world, we learn to really enjoy the bits that align with our authentic selves.
That bug looks cool! Can I eat it? Euw, no... I can enjoy how beautiful it is though! Wow that colour looks brilliant! Can I wear it? WOW!!!
Just wow.
Learn to say wow. Loudly. Quietly. In your head. Screamed into a field or a pillow.
Like, f**king hell, we've got *all this potential.*
And many of us believe we are happy in our little boxes. And are threatened by play. By the state of flow. By deep inner thought. By assertion of feelings or beliefs. (By empowered women in general, but that's a whole other Morning Thought Mini Essay™.)
Go out and play. Eat the stupid food. Wear the stupid clothes. Do the stupid stuff.
Allow yourself the opportunity to say, "wow."
Be stupid. You'll piss people off, sure. But I doubt you'll regret it.
🤡❤️🌠🌞🌈
*understatement
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